It's just me & myself these days

I have had a very very quiet weekend. Saturday I stood in my kitchen and embraced the lovely warm feeling that is given effect by the contemplation of 3 long days of nothing stretching out before me. Ah, yes and doesn't it seem nothing but a distant memory now. I spent Saturday in Okayama, doing some shopping for birthdays that are coming up soon and in my usual internet cafe haunt watching dodgy movies. I did not speak to a single soul all day. I didn't even realise that I had done this until I thought about my day late Saturday evening. I came home with 4 books from the library and was halfway through my first one when I laughed out loud and realised that was the first time I had heard myself all day. So I sat back and reflected upon how strange and kind of exciting it is to be so surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of people and yet be so very alone. For an entire day my existence mattered to no one, I was not part of anyone's plans, I basically did not exist! I spent yesterday in this very same cocoon, I did leave my house for a walk or 3, but mostly I was just reading my books lying on my loungeroom floor soaking up what sun I could through the window and listening to Mr Fucking Snippy and his mates cutting down the last of their rice plants and doddering around in the field. I was forced outside for a walk when they all decided that nothing would top off the days work better than a quick run around the bottom of my windows with the whippersnipper. Nothing perhaps, except then lighting a fire to burn the cut grass a way down the hill from where the easterly breeze carried the smoke with much nonchalance, in the way that smoke has, straight into my house.

Sunday night I returned from my late arvo walk over the hill, sat down to read my book, looked around and realised that I might quite like some beer. So out I went again, this time purse in hand, and off to the supermarket where I was waylaid on my way to the beer fridge by the sight of some rather cheap red wine. It is a pretty well known fact that a cheap bottle of red is a far more economical choice than beer when you compare the price/alchohol volume ratio. So a few minutes later I was marching back home with my $6 bottle of CabSav from somewhere in Chile which made me feel extremely international indeed. I sat in my lounge with my music turned up very loud and a glass and bottle next to it, still not quite up to drinking straight from the bottle even if I do live alone, looked around and realised there was nothing much for me to do but carry on reading. So I did. 3 glasses later and I was still reading - although suddenly finding what was before me a lot more amusing than I had been previously. Before I could continue on to finish the bottle R from over the hill rocked up and barged into my house without knocking - he is turning Japanese. He made short work of the rest of my wine and the we moved onto demolishing the beer he brought with him before he disappeared back over his hill home having served his purpose as a distraction to my tipsy mind for long enough to make me sleepy and I subsequently nodded off, fully clothed and sprawled across my futon like the wino that I clearly have become.

This morning I was famished, having had a somewhat liquid dinner, and also a tad foggy headed. In an attempt to combat the decidedly festy feeling happening inside me, I had a shower and blow dried my hair, put some make up on and got dressed as though I was going to meet someone I very much liked. This wasn't the case of course, I was just doing that thing they say to do when you are feeling sad or grumpy; smile and your mood will follow. I figure if I look sharp on the outside, the rest of me might stop grumbling and pull itself together. So far this seems not to have worked but my hair looks damn fine. I am here now in a what will surely prove to be a vain attempt to get some study done and also research for my bloody speech in December. It is only 2 months away I realised this morning, and I have done precisely diddly squat - except spend an awful amount of time imagining myself delivering this speech in marvellous Japanese without a hint of nerves and the bare minimum of cock ups. I do have a vivid imagination don't I!